6 Ways to Feel Safe in Your Brain and Body
If there’s a word that taken on new importance during these turbulent times, it’s safety. Isn’t that what we’re craving like never before? Show me I’m safe. Tell me I’ll be okay. Make this fear go away.
Safety is not only primal, we need it to feel well in our bodies and minds. In this tech era, our reptilian brains are bombarded with enough apocalyptic news to send us into fight or flight with nowhere to go. Our brain tries to warn us of danger, real or perceived. It communicates with pain, fatigue, anxiety, depression, headaches, insomnia and other stress-related symptoms.
Noticing any of those? Our brain responds to emotional stress like it responds to physical threats. Here are six neuroscience shortcuts to help you feel better right away.
1) REMIND YOURSELF THAT NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. 💪🏼
If you could look into your baby face in your first days of life, what guidance would you want to impart? I’d give myself permission to feel my emotions fully. I’d also say all injuries heal and scars don’t hurt. My body was created over billions of years of evolution and is innately resilient. My brain is malleable and believes what I tell it. I’m innately worthy because I exist. Ahh, my nervous system is relaxing already.
In my recovery from chronic fatigue, pain, brain fog, insomnia, anxiety and digestive issues, I had a breakthrough when I realized that nothing was wrong with me. It wasn’t a new age star chart or something fished out a fortune cookie. My symptoms were real but they weren’t due to an incurable virus or malfunctioning mitochondria, as I’d been told. I learned about the groundbreaking work of Dr. John Sarno, who discovered that our brains create physical symptoms to protect us from underlying emotions. Neuroscience shows they can get stuck in these patterns, fueled by our fears that something is broken or faulty.
Assuming your doctor has ruled out things like a blood disorder, infection, fracture or tumor, mind-body symptoms can be reversed. Stress-related pain or fatigue may be substantial, but it’s not harmful. The more you embrace this, the more it calms your nervous system. (Placebos work as well as the medicine in many clinical trials because patients think they’re going to work.) Every time symptoms or worries arise, say that you are safe and okay. Remember that your brain is creating the symptoms and they will pass. They can’t hurt you or steal your peace of mind.
Be confident you will recover and let go of a deadline. That scares the reptilian brain, which tries to advise you of danger with more symptoms.
2) TRADE CATASTROPHIZING FOR CALMING. 🧘🏻♀️
When I got ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I was racked with insomnia. Previously, I used to fall asleep in any semi-horizontal position. Suddenly, I’d lie awake night after night, fretting the next day was shot, recounting the things I wouldn’t be able to do and fearing that I’d never sleep again. Needless to say, this heaped on emotional turmoil. Remember what stress does to the brain? It activates the danger signal, which in turn creates more insomnia.
Do the opposite of what I did and be in the moment. Be only with what you know, rather than drumming up the worst-case scenario. My sleep is mostly sound these days but if I hit nighttime turbulence, I lay in my cozy, warm bed and listen to the sound of my breath. I enjoy that I don’t have to do anything at all. When does that happen?
Avoid catastrophizing because your amygdala will heed it. Same with pressure, pushing or perfectionism. When we reach for impossible standards or create mental stories that add undue stress (i.e. I can’t live like this anymore or I need this person to do that thing) we hijack our inner peace.
Would you want someone you love to be abused in this way? Do you care that your brain is abusing you? I trust that you do! Instead, remind yourself that you don’t deserve this. It’s okay to be average right now. In fact, it’s healthy for your nervous system.
3) DON’T FIXATE ON YOUR SYMPTOMS.🚪
Imagine how you’d feel if someone kept telling you something was wrong with your body, you had a weak back, you’d overdone it or ate the wrong food. You might be a little freaked out. So too is your brain when you fixate on your body’s sensations. It’s normal to experience some discomfort and pain. In fact, we need those sensations to survive.
We want to avoid what Dr. Howard Schubiner calls the 5 F’s: fear, focus, fighting, frustration and fixing. They are counterproductive for mind-body symptoms. The natural reaction to pain is to pay close attention, stop and rest. This works well for injuries but not for chronic symptoms. Remember, worry creates more symptoms.
Redefine success so it’s no longer measured by how much you experience mind-body symptoms, but by how little you allow them to affect you. As the saying goes, what we resist persists. And I’ll add: what we ignore goes out the door.
4) FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE. 💃🏽
As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said “Do the thing you think you cannot do.” With mind-body work, we challenge our triggers to teach our brain those activities are safe.
If you get pain when sitting, sit in small doses, reassuring yourself that it’s a perfectly fine position. You’ve done it your whole life. If you grow weary when standing, take small but steady steps forward, reminding your brain there’s no danger and you’re going to live the life you please. Stand up to the fear as you would a barking dog, with conviction and confidence.
When you avoid activities, it tells your brain those things are unsafe. The next time you do them, your brain sends signals of pain or fatigue. It’s not the activity causing your symptoms, it’s learned neural pathways in the brain. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s salivating pooch.
It’s also like a car alarm blaring through the neighborhood because a woman with a baby stroller walked by. It’s loud but there is no real danger. Keep walking! When symptoms arise, treat them with indifference.
When I was recovering, I started doing all the things that brought on fatigue. I’d meet a friend in the evening, which triggered insomnia and a flu-like aftermath. But it was okay because I was teaching my brain that I could do this. It took months but the symptoms finally subsided.
5) CONNECT TO YOUR BODY.👣
Our culture is focused on getting rid of pain by physical means, and that’s creating more of it. We want to befriend our body instead of treating it like a boogeyman. Feeling our body sensations sends signals to our nervous system that we’re paying attention. When you feel tension, fear or other emotions, here’s a few simple ways to give a hug to your nervous system.
a. Notice your hands or feet to ground yourself in your physical body. You can feel the warmth of your hands on your lap or your feet touching the floor. Bring your mind down into your hands and/or your feet and explore what they feel like. Are they warm or cool, buzzy or dull, tingling or numb? Spend a few minutes noticing their aliveness.
b. Look around your space slowly, letting your eyes rest on shapes and colors. At the same time, feel the back of your body touching the surface that’s holding you. If you’re sitting, notice the places where your seat and back are supported by the chair.
c. Tune into the innate rhythm of your breath. Enjoy how it feels on the inside, the rise and fall of your chest or belly. Perhaps you can feel the air moving in and out your nostrils. If you want more relaxation, try extending your exhales a few counts longer than your inhales.
6. PLAY MORE!🤾🏽♀️
Has a doctor ever given you a prescription to seek meaning, purpose or joy? How might that transform our healthcare system and our lives? I experienced years when I felt no reason for being. I’d lost a career I’d loved, my childrearing years were passing me by and despite seeing nearly 50 practitioners, I still had overriding exhaustion. I finally decided to focus on what I could enjoy, which was poetry, nature, yoga and meditation mostly. As I wrote about in another blog, this led to a healing breakthrough and a new vocation.
We mind-body types tend to be responsible and diligent. Often what we need is more play, which can help our nervous system regulate itself so healing happens innately. Dr. John Sarno wrote that enjoyable activities counterbalance internal pressures. And Dr. Howard Schubiner said that a lack of joy and peace reinforce chronic symptoms. We don’t have to work at healing. We just need to step away from our worries for a while.
So make enjoyment your RX! Find something that engages you, whether it’s painting, woodworking, reading, cooking, exercising, time in nature or with loved ones. Try scheduling in “playtime” on your calendar, a little bit everyday and several longer windows each week. Observe how you feel in your body when you’re doing this pleasurable activity. In my experience, it’s far more healing than striving to get well.
Instead of waiting to heal so we can enjoy life. Enjoy life now and see what it does for your healing.